This explains the M&M characters

"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove) 12/12/2019 at 11:52 • Filed to: And here I thought they were cgi

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Sitting here proctoring a final exam. I should be doing something productive with the quiet time, but I can’t muster the energy, what with having a virus and not really being into anything much since the funeral.

I feel like I’ve been moving through water these last couple of weeks. I’m not exactly depressed. It’s just that everything seems muted and dull. I have lots of moments when I see something, think that I should tell Mom about that, and then remember. Mostly though I’m on cruise control. It’s a weird feeling.

Anyway, I am still trying to find the joy in Christmas and count the blessings I have. Like anthropomorphic GMO candy. How are you guys getting ready for the holidays?

Brickman > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 11:55

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At this rate I think i’ll just drink the rum instead of making rum balls.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 11:58

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When my step father died I was emotionally numb for months afterwards. It was such a heavy experience it wore me out. 

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:00

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I will spare you by not sharing a horrific gutter of the internet meme I’ve seen , merely describing it. Something like “I hate barrack inspections”, and a taped-to-wall picture of the green M&M. With a green painted... device... attached below.

Chariotoflove > Brickman 12/12/2019 at 12:02

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Still need the excuse to have the rum out tho 

Chariotoflove > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 12/12/2019 at 12:03

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That’s how I feel. My wife tells me it was the same when her dad died. 

Chariotoflove > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 12/12/2019 at 12:04

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So by sparing me you mean you’re going to force me to google it?

This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja: > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:09

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Sorry for your loss man. The holidays can be an especially tough time, believe me. It’s been 3 years and I’m still not the same. Waiting for the time when nostalgia becomes pleasant instead of incredibly saddening. Here’s hoping that day comes soon.  

fintail > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:11

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Serving size 1/3 box - that’s not how this works.  This is what happens when corporations buy their way.

You’ll come out of it. I remember the same cruise control feeling for a while after my dad passed.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:11

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My mom’s birthday was yesterday. She would have been 70. It brought everything crashing back down. If not for a lot of work to bury myself in (and some Oppo as a distraction), it would have been a very depressing day.

Sorry you’re feeling down. 

Chariotoflove > This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja: 12/12/2019 at 12:12

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I just find it comforting to be around family. It reminds me that I’m not alone and of the blessings I still have. 

CalzoneGolem > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:13

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It gets easier my man. Everyday it gets a little bit easier.

I’m building stuff to get ready for the holidays. Made my mom a neat hummingbird light. Making my wife a similar light but in a vase filled with sea glass. Tonight the plan is to build a small non-functional ladder so my wife can hang lights and stockings on it. 

This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja: > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:14

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Amen to that. If it weren’t for my wife and son... yeesh. Probably best not to think about  it.

boredalways > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:18

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First and foremost, my condolences.

I find the holidays to be counterproductive and an artificial obstacle for things that you could do with friends and family anytime, with or without set days during the year because “tradition”. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the holidays. I just want this shit to be over.

In other words, Happy Festivus!

Chariotoflove > fintail 12/12/2019 at 12:22

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I’ve always wondered whose job it is to define serving size.

My wife says this feeling can last a good long while. I’m just riding it out on instinct. 

Chariotoflove > CalzoneGolem 12/12/2019 at 12:25

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I love getting and giving gifts like that. They mean so much more than stuff you can buy. 

Chariotoflove > TheRealBicycleBuck 12/12/2019 at 12:28

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Thanks. We had a big family reunion last summer to celebrate my mom’s 80th. I’m so glad she got to have that.

70 is way too young. 

Chariotoflove > boredalways 12/12/2019 at 12:32

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Thanks.

I find traditions to be a good base to build family time around. And don’t forget the vacation time you get with it. Also, I’m a practicing Catholic, so the faith part of it means a great deal to me. 

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 12:34

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...maybe?

CalzoneGolem > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 13:23

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Maybe you need some kind of project to throw some brain cycles at?

Chariotoflove > CalzoneGolem 12/12/2019 at 13:30

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I’ve thought of that, and I’m working my way slowly toward the idea through this fog . We built the ginger bread house for this year, and I like thinking what I can come up with for presents. I partly signed up for Secret Senna to give myself a little jolt.  I hope I draw someone I can do something interesting for.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 13:41

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She passed at 67. Way, way too young. We usually spent Thanksgiving with my mom, Christmas with my in-laws. We were able to spend both holidays with my mom that last year. She died three months later.

It’s hard, especially around holidays, but it does get easier with time. 

Chariotoflove > TheRealBicycleBuck 12/12/2019 at 13:46

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I remember a bit of the stuff you had to deal with.  I remember wondering how I would react when it came my turn and dreading it.  Now I get to find out.

atfsgeoff > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 14:56

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The only thing keeping me from being depressed is the constant remembrance that tomorrow is promised to no one, and being depressed is a waste of prec ious time. Work toward goals and try to find joy where you can along the way. Don’t mourn your lost loved ones, instead cherish your memories with them. Because that’s what they would want.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 14:59

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Good luck to you, my friend. 

Chariotoflove > TheRealBicycleBuck 12/12/2019 at 15:14

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And to you.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 16:23

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Those M&M characters are fat because they’re eating too many carbs... they need to go on the Keto diet and stick to stuff that has less than 20 grams of carbs per 100 grams of serving.

And that means cutting out bread, rice, pasta and candy.

;-)

“I feel like I’ve been moving through water these last couple of weeks. I’m not exactly depressed. It’s just that everything seems muted and dull. I have lots of moments when I see something, think that I should tell Mom about that, and then remember.”

Sounds like you’re going through a normal grieving process.

“Anyway, I am still trying to find the joy in Christmas and count the blessings I have”

Yes... and don’t lose sight of all the people you care about who are still in your life. Lean on them and talk about how the passing of your mother makes you feel. Maybe even ask your daughter how she’s feeling and you can tell her how you feel.

“How are you guys getting ready for the holidays?”

For me it’s putting up the Christmas tree (done), putting up the Christmas lights (done), shop for gifts (mostly done), figure out who I’m visiting on what day (done), figure out what I’m doing for new years eve (not done) and wrap gifts (wrapped a few, but still have much to do).

Note that I’m divorced and the holidays are always have a streak of sadness in them for me.

My life isn’t bad at all.

But I feel sad that the days where my kids were little are now gone since my kids are teens now. And I feel a bit sad how the marriage played out. And I feel a bit sad that I’ve lost the joy and wonder over Christmas (as well as my own birthdays). And I feel a bit sad when I visit places and they’re not how they used to be... even though much of the time, the places in question are better than they were.

For example, a shopping mall I’ve been going to since I was little (and worked some part time jobs in as a teen) is now much larger and more upscale than it was when I was young .

But in moving upscale, they removed certain things like some water fountains I used to love. Those fountains would be considered old and cheesy had they kept them. But I still miss them.

Or when I go to Ikea... I used to love watching my kids play in the ‘Small land’... but they outgre w that years ago.

And I also think about how my dad (who passed away when I was 17) never got to meet my kids.

Sometimes I’ll walk around these places and think of experiences I had and people I’ve known and past romantic relationships I’ve had... some of which I miss.

But I remind myself that I still have my brothers, sister, mother, my 2 kids, other family and friends and that I really don’t have it bad at all. I can think of many people who are worse off than me... such as people I’ve read about who lost their homes and had their entire families killed in the civil war in Rwanda.

I can only imagine how hard it must be for those survivors.

“Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories ”

Chariotoflove > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 12/12/2019 at 16:54

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I’m feeling a bit of that nostalgia too, both for the things gone by in my own life and my kid growing out of things. But I remind myself that her journey is just beginning, and that I’m there for her. We talked a bit about Grandma. She was awesome in hanging in there as Thanksgiving week turned from vacation to funeral prep for me. I want to make sure she still gets her Christmas with all the joy and love that goes with it.

New adventures are in your future too.

Jim Spanfeller > Chariotoflove 12/12/2019 at 22:24

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Man... In a weird way, I wish I could relate. The only times I’ve ever experienced a loss like that were really weird, and I didn’t grieve normally at all. The last time someone important to me died, it was my grandmother, and it was after a long, drawn-out, devastating decline in her physical and mental health. In those last days, she was completely different. She could never remember where she was and would often ask to be taken home even though she was already home, but the worst part was when she would look at my grandpa and have no idea who he was. She would think he was several different people, and ask him to take her to her husband, and it was heartbreaking to watch. When she finally died, I didn’t feel sad. I felt relieved. I skipped all those stages of grief and went straight to acceptance, like I had been grieving for her while she was still alive. It felt weird and a bit wrong, and I wish I could’ve just grieved for her normally instead of doing it while she was still alive but not in her right mind. But sometimes that’s just the way it goes, I guess.

Chariotoflove > Jim Spanfeller 12/12/2019 at 22:33

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Everyone grieves in their own way. There’s no one right way. When a grandparent goes after a long sickness like that, sometimes it’s as if we do the grieving while they’re still alive, because we are watching who they really are being taken from us in real time. Feeling relieved when the ordeal ends kind of makes sense.

The worst is when someone is taken without being ready.